Oliver. He came into the shelter a solo puppy. Sweet, innocent boy I named after another Oliver whose company I adore. But Oliver II was very different from the fast, high energy Oliver I. Oliver II might have been a Mastiff mix. He was the easiest pup I have fostered by far - mellow but still very puppy. Life loving puppy. I figured he’d grow up to be a quiet, easy boy. He could entertain himself, interacted well with my dogs, my husband, me. He cocked his head from side to side whenever I talked to him. He loved our teaching / learning sessions. He already knew how to walk at my side on a leash. He died with this skill at 9 weeks of age.

How do I describe the pain of bonding with a puppy for a week and losing him in this horrible way? I truly cannot but I know some of you already know and, somehow, that gives me comfort. I kept myself in denial through the whole thing. The vomiting started so suddenly. Just a puppy thing. In a day he looked thin, motionless hooked up to his IV. But most parvo puppies survive, right? The next day was worse. OK, so there’s the really bad day before he gets better.

But I knew inside. All I could see were late stage AIDS patients. He was skin and bones. Lifelessness in his eyes. Snot running down his nose. He could hardly keep his eyes open. Unlike the parvo puppy in the kennel above him he did not move.

So, now I second guess myself. Was he too cold at night being the only puppy with no one else to keep him warm? Should I have begged the shelter to euthanize him sooner? In hindsight the answer would most certainly be “yes”. I wish more than anything that I could have spared him his last days of suffering.

I was fortunate to spend the morning with a friend who lost both her long time dog companion and her father last year. She knows sadness and death. She reminded me that had Oliver been euthanized earlier I might have had a lifetime of second guessing whether he would have lived. That gave me comfort.

I look at Oliver’s picture and can hardly believe he is dead. He was just a puppy! I grieve for Oliver terribly.